The Plot Thickens

I didn’t realize that the match ups this week would be divided up between the teams that were 3-1 and the teams that were 1-3, further differentiating the team records and thickening the plot of our journey to playoffs. We are all so close, though! And there are many weeks ahead to watch this madness play out.

I will be changing up our LM note formats a bit. For one, I won’t be covering each matchup. It’s the part of the LM notes that take the longest time. And sometimes, victories just happen. And there’s nothing close about it, and it’s not particularly interesting to write about, and let’s be real. You probably already followed it over the weekend. So from here on out, only the close or otherwise remarkable match ups will be recapped.

In lieu of the unremarkable recaps, I will be doing fun little features that will, hopefully, increase your interest in football. While the game in and of itself can be amazing, the side plots of the league are every bit as fun to follow, if not more so.

Also, I just now realized how to make differentiated fonts for headlines using this thing, which should make for a more visually appealing note. Case in point:

Games of the Week

Mary vs. SHAH – I kind of thought Ashish was going to take this from the beginning, and that belief was solidified after I stupidly started Brady over Wilson and lost out on 20 points. But good-natured Ashish , ever the optimist, said that his unreliable defense would likely even out the score.

He was right! And going into Sunday night, Julio Jones was responsible for 27 points to get the win. He didn’t, although he did come up with this sick one-handed catch.

Ashish gets the win, though, and ties Sue for the best record in the league.

LHAM vs. Buln – This was easily the closest game of the week. Lauren didn’t replace her Steelers D/ST, who were on bye. Thankfully, Dez Bryant caught some crazy passes during the Broncos-Cowboys shootout, including an 80-yd. pass. And some desperately long field goals from Justin Tucker gave her kicker more points than I’ve ever seen a kicker do. She had a solid lead over Jayson after Sunday. But he still had Bilal Powell and Tony Gonzalez. Gonzalez did his part. Powell did not. Lauren moves on to 2-3. Jayson does not. It was only a 7 point difference.

Around the NFL

Normally I prefer to write this out, because then I can include cute jokes and images. But I was a bit swamped this week, so instead you are getting the video version that I do for my other league. There’s cute dogs in it anyway.

Week 5 Feature – Bros of the NFL

For many years, sports movies have shown the sensitive side of the American footballer – Rudy in his self titled movie, James van der Beek in Varsity Blues, the adopted guy in that Sandra Bullock movie, basically everyone in Friday Night Lights, you get the idea. But many other films have generated the stereotype that these strapping paradigms of male physical prowess carry all their brains in their biceps. They are, in a word, bros.

I don’t know that the stereotype is true, even for the majority of players in the NFL. It takes a lot of strategy and brain power to memorize and execute plays while adjusting your actions to your opponent’s surmised strategy. But there are definitely a couple of bros. These are my favorites.

Rob Gronkowski

By far and away the league’s #1 bro. A master of the Spanish language, he coined the phrase, “Yo soy fiesta.”

He made the white boy endzone dance a thing of beauty.

His British Gronk spike for the London game last year

He was unabashedly banging a moderately famous porn star.

And he fell on his injured arm while dancing shirtless on stage in Vegas.

He’s the one with the cast

The best part is that he’s so good at his job, you can’t even be mad. You can only sit back and wish that you, too, were a fiesta.

Andrew Luck

I don’t even care that he came from Stanford. Listen to the guy talk!

You don’t need to see all six minutes to hear that he’s a bro (or that she’s a crappy interviewer, and how do I get her job?) And look at his facial hair! He’s trying to do the whole, “I am grooming myself to look like I don’t groom myself,” and that’s totally bro-ey.

Mark Sanchez

He wears a headband. And don’t say that it’s to keep his lush curls from his eyes, because he’s not even active right now and he’s still wearing it.

Plus, his coach has an awkward suggestive tattoo of his wife wearing Sanchez’s jersey. If questionable threesomes aren’t bro material, I don’t know what is.

Clay Matthews

I was reticent to put another Trojan on the list, but it had to be done. He’s a beast on the defensive line. But he’s also got Taylor Hanson hair and obnoxious victory yells.

Plus he does endorsements for Muscle Milk, so…

Jay Cutler

I’ll let the images speak for themselves.

Why yes, that is Kristin Cavallari from Laguna Beach/The Hills

Don’t forget to pay attention to your bye weeks! Good luck in Week 6.

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